so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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