i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
