i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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