It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
