Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she peed on how many people?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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