Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
