you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
