did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
