i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
