she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
