So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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