fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
