my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this boner is exhausting
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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