I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
