Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
