Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
