where am i from again
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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