I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
