fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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