there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
