Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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