a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
