there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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