Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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