its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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