The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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