Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
