return my video game
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
