after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
