I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
