She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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