Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
