I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
