mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
