The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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