if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
