i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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