It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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