i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
