guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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