I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
