You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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