tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
