I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
