Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
