I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You took a bar mat shot.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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