These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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