As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
