After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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