Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
