I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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