sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
