What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
