cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
