There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I died a long time ago.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
