at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
