i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
