i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize