you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
