I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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