So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
