what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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