So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
