Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Be still, my beating vagina.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
