did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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