it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
pop tarts are not kleenex
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just googled if crying burns calories
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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