i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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