I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
