maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
