alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
