38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
