I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
