i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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