so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
