You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
