Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
