Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
