that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.