remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.