he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
