i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
