We need to rekindle our bromance
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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