matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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